i read all your other messages by don’t worry i won’t publish them!

it’s a bit rubbish i guess, even when we tell ourselves we’re not getting our hopes up we know we really are because it’s impossible not to when you like someone.

it was silly of him to say those things if he didn’t mean them, or maybe when he was drunk he felt like he did. at the end of the day at least he had the decency to say that straight up instead of using you and then disappearing?

it’s probably good that he hasn’t text you seeing as that would prolong it further and make it harder to forget about him. don’t text him, just ride it out and you’ll be over it sooner than you know.

as for the paranoia, i think it’s something every single person i have ever spoken to suffers with and from my own experience, you can’t do anything but change your attitude towards it to a more positive one.

i turned bitter a couple of years ago and fought against everyone who tried to get in, because i was sick of being treated like shit, then every so often i would let someone in and they’d hurt me or i’d hurt them because i wanted the company but i didn’t like them in that way so they got led on. ANYWAY, i thought it was because i was shutting people out, or that i wasn’t good enough and it made me worse, then out of the blue, i was out with my friends one night, more bitter and anti-men than ever and my (now) boyfriend spoke to me and now i’m happier than ever. i didn’t panic for a second. i wasn’t paranoid or angry or worried because he was the right person, not because of me pushing people away at all.

it’s shitty and we’ve all been there but the right person won’t make you feel paranoid when you’re with them and that’s how you’ll know it’s right. the best ones are worth waiting for, i swear :)

 - sheryl.xo

stay away from him for a start, friends are forever but boys are not. believe me, it won’t be worth it and if it ends badly then you’ve lost both of them.

i’ve been in this situation, after trying to console both parties and getting no where i politely told them i didn’t want to be involved, that i’d give advice and comfort but i was the middleground and a catalyst for them to talk through when they were trying to get back at each other or one wouldn’t talk to the other.

this isn’t your break up so you’re not obliged to act like it is.

 - sheryl.xo

how old are you? in any case there is no legal age to date (as long as there is no sexual contact if you are under age).

you parents can’t tell you that you are not allowed to date, but maybe there are reasons as to why they are a little wary of boys?

have a chat with them about that and the reasons they are against it first, you shouldn’t have to hide it, you’re right, it’s your life not theirs and if you’re going to make mistakes they have to let you or you’ll never learn valuable lessons. if they shelter you away you’ll never learn any life experience if you’re just a carbon copy of them and what they want you to be.

ask them what the problem is and if that clears the air a little then tell them if you feel confident and happy. at the end of the day if they disown you for having a boyfriend it’ll only reflect badly on them.

 - sheryl.xo

if your gut feeling is that he doesn’t feel the same i’d suggest you take a step back from him. this way if he cares then he will come to you and if you’re right and he doesn’t you’ve saved yourself from getting hurt any further.

if you’ve told him how you feel before and things have never progressed then in my opinion it’s not meant to be. it’s been spelt out to him and he’s done nothing about it, i think if he felt the same he would have acted on that.

take a step back and see what he does. it will either make or break this but either way you’ll have your answer.

i hope it works in your favour poppet.

 - sheryl.xo

maybe this is a blessing as he’s kind enough not to condemn you for your behaviour? have you spoken about it with him?

the only thing i can think of is this guy really loves you and doesn’t care about your past. he must also be very trustworthy if he’s taken you back and from what i can tell you’d never cheat on him.

you made a mistake, but so do people every day, far worse than cheating. don’t dwell on it, just accept that you are happy, he is happy and from what i can judge you have a top lad!

 - sheryl.xo

i feel the same in terms of my image and i hide my body a lot and it also stops me wanting to leave the house. i’ve struggled with various eating issues and still do and i know this is one thing that i can’t stand people trying to help me with unless they’ve been there.

i have to keep reminding myself that because i see myself that way, it doesn’t mean others do. it doesn’t help me like my figure but it helps me be less paranoid so i can go out.

as for not being able to leave the house - i’ve been there. i finally realised that no matter how much i starve myself or stuff my face, i will always look in the mirror and hate the reflection staring back at me. it will always look the same no matter if i was 8 stone or 80 stone, i will never beat it unless i rise above it. 

if you want to do this alone without any help from doctors etc you need to adopt the mentality that it doesn’t matter what size you are, in terms of seeing yourself differently and what people think of you. sitting at home doesn’t make you happy, so maybe you should try going out, you may be surprised at how it makes you feel.

this horrible thing is ruling your life and you need to tell it no. take small trips out alone at first. go shopping, have a coffee, go to the park. next time meet a friend, see a movie, take a walk. then maybe try going out with a group, just a social gathering somewhere. take little steps until you find being around people outside of your home more comfortable, but don’t take another step until you are happy with the step you are currently on, this really helped me snap out of wanting to hide away all the time.

best of luck, always here if you need to chat :)

 - sheryl.xo

i just went through this at uni, i was so stressed that i couldn’t do my work so i’d put it off more and more and it got so much worse but when you think about it, putting it off is the silliest thing you can do…

are you struggling with the work itself? because if you are then you need to seek support like i did and that gave me the biggest boost and gave me the motivation.

if not then you’re in the same boat as a lot of others, no one enjoys assignments but once you’ve done them i assure you you feel great. in the long run this will get you a career, remember that, you don’t want to be kicking yourself because you lost out because you didn’t write an essay….

sit down somewhere quiet and tidy where you are comfortable, maybe have a drink or snack with you so you have no excuse to get up and procrastinate, tell yourself that you’re going to work for half an hour and start to put pen to paper. it’s much easier to write a plan first of what you’re going to do because just going into an assignment headfirst is too daunting and maybe this is what’s worrying you?

sit down, relax, put your ideas on paper, now you’ve made a start and you can write a draft of your work (again, taking a smaller step as opposed to going straight into the full assignment)

it takes a small amount of work to make you feel a lot better, trust me, you just need to take that small leap first :)

 - sheryl.xo

quite simply you should stay away and distance yourself for a bit if you’re only going to want him more. explain to him that you can’t be around him because it’s confusing you, and to be honest it might happen again and make you feel worse..

if he is a true friend he’ll respect that and might even be able to offer you some support. 

i think it’s best you focus on finding someone else if there’s no feelings on his part. it’s one of those ‘put it to the back of your mind’ things i’m afraid but just remind yourself that it’s doing you good to move on from it. you don’t want to lose this friendship altogether.

that’s all i can really say about this but always here if you’re feeling down kid, just give me a shout and we’ll talk it out whenever you like.

 - sheryl.xo

looks like we share some pretty similar views, when i really get thinking about this stuff i can rant for hours at how humanity disgusts me. i even posted in a rant the other day about considering not having children because of all the stuff they’ll have to go through and will they really have much quality of life at all?

iran can be viewed as evil as can the west, but the reasons for each are very different. a lot of why they think we’re evil is because of religion and the way it tells them to live their lives and in comparison to ours it’s very different and ours is ‘full of sin’. a lot of the reason we think they are evil is because they attack our innocent, people who probably agree with them in some senses that the west has a lot of evils but they tar us all with the same brush and we do the same to them. now we have this vicious circle because the minority gives each side the bad name and the majority are ignored.

people are rude to each other because they don’t expect to receive compassion from other people. our governments, in my eyes, have taught us to be selfish because the people that are supposed to care for you actually only see you as a way to make money, they only look our for themselves, so is it any wonder that their people do the same? we’ve learnt to be very untrusting, but it’s hardly surprising. it’s not like that everywhere though, i guess we’re just taking the brunt of it right now.

tumblr breeds hate, but it also breeds support and provides a place for people to seek relief in all sorts of fashions. it’s very conflicted, but if there was no tumblr then there’d be something else, there’s already many other things like it. in a way i see it as good that people are able to release positive AND negative energy here instead of unleashing it on people around them in the real world.

it definitely creates these egocentric people, but at the same time they can’t do any harm with these massive egos because they only really exist online. if people believe they are important because of the internet then there’s no harm in that, sure it’s frustrating because they look foolish but it’s just a phase that will pass. after all, most of it is based on looks, sheep following sheep because they’re ‘beautiful’ when really they’ve modified themselves to society’s idea of beauty, they possess no natural attractive qualities at all and in a lot of cases contain no personality. the people that follow them and feed their egos are usually the same or aspire to be like that, which makes me give up hope but on the flip side i think it’s just a fad and people like you give me reason to believe that our future is in safe hands because minds like yours, with critical thinking and reason, still exist, even if we take a backseat to those egocentric people.

wow, sorry for the rant, let me know any time you’d like to talk, you sound interesting.

 - sheryl.xo

can you tell us what it is? :( xo

i did this for 3 years and then i’d let me guard down enough and get fucked around, or end up losing interest and it was so frustrating because then i’d put the wall up again or just think i was never going to fall for anyone again. people kept telling me ‘it’ll happen, it’ll happen’ and with every knock i took i got more bitter and angry and refused to let anyone and didn’t care if i miss chances with people because i was so scared and upset and angry that i didn’t want anyone near me.

i went out one night, with this mindset, and i met the guy who is now my boyfriend. i wasn’t scared, i wasn’t angry, i wasn’t bitter, and this time i didn’t have to let my guard down, the wall was gone altogether.

i know it’s annoying to hear but one day this amazing person will just turn up and won’t give you a choice to run, and you won’t want to or be able to because it’s what’s right. you have to fuck up a ton of times to truly appreciate when you get it right or it wouldn’t be half as good.

if someone doesn’t make you feel secure, or you don’t trust them or anything negative then it’s probably not right. the right person is the one who doesn’t make you think twice about these things.

being single suddenly after getting used to being with the same person is scary, everyone knows that, but you are entitled to make yourself feel better by flirting. this by no means makes you a bitch! that would imply that being single is wrong unless you don’t flirt with anyone.

go and enjoy yourself, you’re not doing anything wrong and before you know it someone will come along and make it all change and they’ll be worth the wait, i assure you.

 - sheryl.xo

are you pushing these people away because you feel like you don’t deserve their love because of what you’ve done? if so, if they’re still willing to give it to you then that’s reason enough for you to accept it because they obviously want to give it to you and aren’t giving it to you out of sympathy.

if you hadn’t made mistakes you wouldn’t be human. you may have done some awful things but the fact you are truly remorseful is the best sign - it shows that you aren’t the horrible person that you think you are.

you may not be able to win back the respect of those you’ve gossiped about or lied to right away but making that positive change may just make them come around in time. you won’t know unless you try. accept what you cannot change, and if you can do something to make a difference, then do it.

failing means a lot of different things to different people, if you are still receiving love from the people you care about most then you haven’t failed at all. these people are there to pick you up when you hit the bottom and when you can’t get back on your feet yourself. 

the first step is facing your demons by admitting what you’ve done wrong. it’s clearly eating away at you and you need to spit it out. tell those people you’re sorry, let them know why you were pushing them away. at the end of the day they may think it’s their fault and hearing the truth may bring a lot of relief to them and it will pave the way to a better relationship for you in the future.

the worst that can happen is that people don’t accept your apology, but at least the burden has been lifted from your shoulders. you’ve done the right thing, you’ve faced your fear and beaten it.

everyone deserves a second chance, the things you’ve done are nothing if you put them into perspective of what some people do in order to make others suffer.

you make up for your mistakes by swallowing your pride and saying you’re sorry because in all honesty, i’m incredibly proud of you for admitting what you did. i don’t condemn you or judge you in the slightest because i know most people would never admit spreading gossip and lies and in my eyes the fact that you did makes you a good person. you’re not the only person whose ever done these things but you’re one of the few who is willing to fix the damage they’ve done, so please, give yourself some credit.

tell those people what you did and why, don’t hold back, tell them the entire truth. even if they don’t right away they will respect it eventually. honesty is such a wonderful personality trait but is incredibly rare. honesty when you’ve been in the wrong is even better.

you’ve taken the first step by acknowledging that there’s a problem and wanting to address and fix it, so well done. you know what to do now :)

- sheryl.xo

Well, what’s going on hon? That’s why this blog is here… to give advice and an unbiased opinion. 

No problem at all! That’s why this blog is here, for advice and support, anonymously or not! Yea, don’t jump the gun with the other half situation yet, just see how it goes. It just seems like you need some time apart is all. Spending too much time together can make things turn sour fast sometimes.

this is sheryl, ashley was answering messages at the same time as me and answered the second part before i got there (ashley is the only other person on this blog and is an incredible help to me)

i’m in the same situation, i don’t see my boyfriend until i’ve done my work because if i do, i can’t enjoy myself. i don’t see my friends, i just stress and shut myself off and my dissertation was the worst time of my life, i spent days in my room driving myself mad and hardly sleeping, my anxiety was through the roof, my depression was dragging me down and i literally wanted out, i couldn’t take it.

it’s only when i went to see what support i could get from the uni that it really helped me, i was given support in structuring my study time (i thing i spent the past 3 years refusing to believe would help) and to my surprise it’s helped me no end.

student support can provide you with counselling, dealing with stress from work and life and so many other things. if you just go and inquire it will take a load off your mind, trust me, the day i just spoke to someone and they emailed me to start my help i felt like something had been lifted off my shoulders, i started sleeping better, i started enjoying my weekends guilt free.

tell your girlfriend as soon as possible that you just want to get your head down and finish uni before you carry on, or see how you feel about her after you’ve had some help, i didn’t think i wanted my boyfriend and now i’ve got help i’ve realised it was just stress making me feel that way and i love him more than ever.

i agree with not wanting meds, i’ve been there and i didn’t like it so i stopped. don’t worry about the job, it can be replaced, where as you only get one shot at uni so make the most of that.

go and talk to someone, it will put your mind at ease more than you could possibly realise, i promise. and most importantly remember that worrying achieves nothing, so you may as well not worry :)

get back to us and let us know how you get on

 - sheryl.xo