Say what you wanna say. Advice for everyone.

someone there?

Anonymous

Yes xo

Hey this is the girl thats father is having an affair and is never home anmore, I posted recently. I just found out that he is divorcing my mother, putting her in a home, wants me to meet his whore and wants her to move in with her. I dont know what to do. I can not live in the same house as the woman that is willing to be with a married and take him away from his kid. I have no idea what to do. I hate this I dont mean to sound petty or nything

Anonymous

Hello,

well, are you in a position to move out and live on your own perhaps? Have you told him how it makes you feel?

Heya this is just a quick thank you for you're advice to me a few months back, I battled through my dissertation and managed to get a 2:1 and somehow picked up a job for the summer as well :) Still live in a shit hole but things are looking up and I'm getting a bit more positive. Many thanks ! x

Anonymous

eep! i’m so proud of you! go you!

and you’re very welcome :)

take care my love!

- sheryl.xo

i cheated on my bf 2 months into our relationship and we've been dating 6 months now and i cant fucking tell him and i love him so much but i think about it a lot and i don't have the heart to tell him. i cant be alone and i only ever want him. we are both 18 if that helps. so i deff knew what i was doing

Anonymous

Well, you need to ask yourself this question: why did you cheat on him? Only you can answer that question. Will you do it again? Maybe you’re not ready to be in a committed relationship. 18 is still very young.

... was also my last year of uni and it's took everything for me not to give up through increased anxiety and depression. But with all the added stress of my dissertation and assignments and exams coming out of my ears, my sense of self has been lost even more. I feel half the person I used to be. I'm lucky in the fact that my boyfriend has been there for me 100% but I don't even make the effort for him anymore, even my appearance has gone to pot. I feel like I'm stuck in a huge rut :'(.

Anonymous

Well, maybe you should talk to a counsellor or something about the incident in the club because you could be suffering from PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). That wouldn’t be abnormal, if you were. Everyone deals with things differently. As for the court case, don’t be too worried, you’re surrounding by police and lawyers. If they tried anything, it would only work out in your favour.

As for the uni stuff stressing you out… the end is in site, hon. Don’t give up on it! You’ve put so much time and effort into this program, giving up would be a waste. And once it’s all over, you’ll be able to relax. Just hang in there darling xx

... and got taken in to a vehicle and got my credit card and phone stolen off of me. I don't remember any of this night passed the part about the toilets. It's all come apparent through a police case and the fact that I had £600 stolen out of my bank. I've had CBT for it for a good 7 months now, but I can't enjoy a social night out anymore, I can't drink anymore and I've completely lost my sense of self. The court case is next month and I'm so anxious to face the criminals. This year ...

Anonymous

Hi Sheryl, apologies because I really don't know where to start. I've had a really tough year this year. I've had anxiety disorder for years but I only got diagnosed properly this year after I was a victim of crime. As a coping mechanism for feeling constantly anxious and my ridiculously low self esteem, I used to get drunk to drop all of my inhibitions whenever I went out. However, one particular night (a night that was hectic so I was sober) I got spiked, apparently passed out in the club ...

Anonymous

I've met a girl that i really like, i've havn't connect with anyone like this in years. I love everything about her. We have talked everyday for a couple of months but havn't met yet, i really want to but i have the feeling shes kind of putting it off. I know she likes me though. I don't really know why she is and i don't want to keep asking her because i would feel like i'm annoying her.

Anonymous

Well, just take things slowly. Maybe that’s all she wants for the time being? If things are mean’t to work out, they will progress naturally. If she continues to show no further interest, then it’s not mean’t to be.

part 3: But then I feel bad for hating him because hes my dad and hes taken care of us for so long and he should be happy. I just think he should wait til I'm a little older and can fend for myself but I know he wont do that. My dad is now only home on the weekends so for five days its just me. He doesn't leave any money or anything in case we run out of things, I just dont know how I'm supposed to feel or what I should do. I hate this so much but I dont know if thats selfish

Anonymous

it’s not selfish at all of you to feel that way. In fact, you have every right to feel resentment towards your father. He isn’t man enough anymore to take care of his kids and make sure they have what they need. If he wants to go out or have an affair, he should at least be adult and man enough to tell you and your siblings, and make sure you have what you need to get by while he’s gone. That is absolutely despicable behaviour, no matter what he’s done to take care of you in the past. you owe him nothing and you should NOT feel bad or that you owe him something for taking care of you guys before when you were younger. That is what a father DOES. He is not a father. I think you should tell him how you feel. And if nothing changes, you should talk to a social worker somewhere and get someone else involved. What about your grandparents?

Part 2: I figured he was cheating on my mother and eventually I got him to admit it. Soon my dad was leaving me by myself to take care of my mother and the house by myself. Then when he would come home he would scream at me for things not being done and how he hates our house and if I'm not careful he might not ever come home again. It hurts me so much to hear him say these things because I try so hard to do everything right but its hard and I'm starting to hate my dad because hes not the same

Anonymous

Part 1:I'm only 16 and I dont have a job or drive. My parents are married but my mother has a few mental diseases, one being schitzophrenia, and her hold on reality has been getting worse and worse as the years go by. My dad has always been around and taken care of us and I used to be Daddy's little girl. Like seven months ago my dad started lying to me about going away for a business deal. When the deal closed and he was still gone for a night or twoo i knew he was lying.

Anonymous

My dad died a few months ago, and at the time I decided to take the semester off from college to sort through my problems. It's only been about 5 months since then, but my family is pressuring me to go back, and they won't leave me alone about it. I told them I wanted to take the year off, and since then they've called my house every night to try and "talk" me out of it. Really they talk down to me and demand I go back this coming fall. I don't feel like I'm ready, but I don't know what to say.

Anonymous

first of all, i am so incredibly sorry for your loss :(

secondly you need to tell them that you feel like they’re ganging up on you and that you are aware their intentions are good, however you feel like they’re patronising you a bit….

it’s not up to them to tell you how to feel. just because they feel ok now doesn’t mean you should. if it takes you 5 years to get over this then that’s fine. if you never get over this then that’s fine.

it’s about when you feel ready and not anyone else. your studies could be massively affected if you go back before you’re ready as you’ll be distracted. on the other hand however it might be a good idea to take a little longer out and not dismiss going back in fall altogether. you may be pleasantly surprised that keeping yourself busy might just take your mind of things and make them a little easier?

either way, consider both options and when the time comes around just be firm with your family about your decision, they can’t live your life for you!

- sheryl.xo

... and when i woke up today, i've got nothing off him again & i don't know what to do. my last boyfriend did the same, said he needed space, cut me out for a week & then ended it so i am a bit paranoid about stuff like this. what do i do?

Anonymous

i read all your other messages by don’t worry i won’t publish them!

it’s a bit rubbish i guess, even when we tell ourselves we’re not getting our hopes up we know we really are because it’s impossible not to when you like someone.

it was silly of him to say those things if he didn’t mean them, or maybe when he was drunk he felt like he did. at the end of the day at least he had the decency to say that straight up instead of using you and then disappearing?

it’s probably good that he hasn’t text you seeing as that would prolong it further and make it harder to forget about him. don’t text him, just ride it out and you’ll be over it sooner than you know.

as for the paranoia, i think it’s something every single person i have ever spoken to suffers with and from my own experience, you can’t do anything but change your attitude towards it to a more positive one.

i turned bitter a couple of years ago and fought against everyone who tried to get in, because i was sick of being treated like shit, then every so often i would let someone in and they’d hurt me or i’d hurt them because i wanted the company but i didn’t like them in that way so they got led on. ANYWAY, i thought it was because i was shutting people out, or that i wasn’t good enough and it made me worse, then out of the blue, i was out with my friends one night, more bitter and anti-men than ever and my (now) boyfriend spoke to me and now i’m happier than ever. i didn’t panic for a second. i wasn’t paranoid or angry or worried because he was the right person, not because of me pushing people away at all.

it’s shitty and we’ve all been there but the right person won’t make you feel paranoid when you’re with them and that’s how you’ll know it’s right. the best ones are worth waiting for, i swear :)

- sheryl.xo

Two of my best friends were dating and broke up three times before they finally were done, shes taking it pretty hard and he hides all his feelings. I'm stuck in the middle and it pretty hard. Then he asked me out, I have no idea if wants to get back at her or if he actually likes me. I don't want to lose a friend but I'm not sure if I like him.

Anonymous

stay away from him for a start, friends are forever but boys are not. believe me, it won’t be worth it and if it ends badly then you’ve lost both of them.

i’ve been in this situation, after trying to console both parties and getting no where i politely told them i didn’t want to be involved, that i’d give advice and comfort but i was the middleground and a catalyst for them to talk through when they were trying to get back at each other or one wouldn’t talk to the other.

this isn’t your break up so you’re not obliged to act like it is.

- sheryl.xo

i have a new boyfriend, and im not allowed to date. my boyfriend wants me to tell my family, but i can't yet. im scared and it's like im hiding a second life, and i dont wanna do that anymore, i dont know what to do? do i tell my mom & risk our relationship, or hide half of my life? :l help.

Anonymous

how old are you? in any case there is no legal age to date (as long as there is no sexual contact if you are under age).

you parents can’t tell you that you are not allowed to date, but maybe there are reasons as to why they are a little wary of boys?

have a chat with them about that and the reasons they are against it first, you shouldn’t have to hide it, you’re right, it’s your life not theirs and if you’re going to make mistakes they have to let you or you’ll never learn valuable lessons. if they shelter you away you’ll never learn any life experience if you’re just a carbon copy of them and what they want you to be.

ask them what the problem is and if that clears the air a little then tell them if you feel confident and happy. at the end of the day if they disown you for having a boyfriend it’ll only reflect badly on them.

- sheryl.xo